How many times have you said to yourself or someone that you care about “for Pete’s sake stop talking about it and just do it?” This simple statement is often a complex problem in many lives.
Do you really want to know what is holding you back from doing the things you want to do with your life? If so, do a bold and courageous inventory of your life, your assets and your shortcomings. Give your friends a piece of paper with the questions written on it and ask them to be totally honest without fear of reprisal.
If you can’t answer these questions easily it is time for reflection and perhaps counseling.
Do not read any farther until you have answered these questions and asked at least two friends for their answers.
Can’t say yes, can’t say no
I think I will, I think I won’t
I think I can, I don’t.
I think I’m smart, I think I’m dumb
I worry success will never come
And if it does what will I do
I’m familiar with this old stew.
Many people find themselves in the dilemma of indecision. They do not know what it is they really want. Do I want to change jobs, or do I want to stay put? Do I want to get a divorce or am I better off where I am? Should I move or should I fix up the place I am in? Should I help out a friend one more time or should I tell him/her I am finished helping them? Should I talk to my husband (wife, children, parent, boss) or should I wait and see if they notice how upset I am maybe he/she will bring it up? Should I go on a diet? Should I go on a trip alone when I can find no one to go with me? Should I go to college? Should I get married? Should I go into business for myself or work for someone?
Indecision is based on fear. Fear is a debilitating condition that ruins more lives than natural disaster. Fear produces anxiety. Anxiety creates debilitating worry and concern. People in the throes of anxiety feel powerless and go to great length to avoid whatever produces the anxiety including wearing a facade of boldness that often hides even from themselves the level of their fear and anxiousness. Sensitivity and fear of rejection get in the way of greatness.
People who find themselves powerless to make a decision and follow through are people who have at one point in their lives, most likely childhood, been punished for thinking for themselves. A strong need for approval causes procrastination and fear of disapproval can paralyze children. Controlling parents wanting perfect children often rob a child of his/her ability to make decisions. Perhaps using ridicule, shame tactics, or raised eyebrows and the silent treatment when the child makes choices that do not agree with the adults around him/her.
Children who have been abused or neglected live with a fear that follows them to adulthood. Sometimes the fear is because a parent has invested so much in the child, praised them so highly and demanded such loyalty that the child feels helpless without the constant input. The fear often remains hidden even from those who have it and is expressed in various ways, indecision being one of them. Fear makes victims of people. Victims live with dread, apprehension and constant misgivings. Victims see everyone as an adversary who is only waiting to take advantage of them. This when taken to its greatest extent results in paranoia which can result in feelings of persecution and a constant need to defend oneself.
If your childhood held a lot of exploitation, threats, neglect, or abuse then it is time to deal with all of those old feelings that are holding you back and keeping your life from being all that you want it to be. It is time to take the time to deal with the pain of the past so you can let it go and move on.
For more information read the next blog, “Just Do It (Overcoming Fear) - Part 3...”