Help Me! I Think I am Going to Die - Part 2

People suffer from various kinds of anxiety and it often gets unbearable around holidays or special occasions. When you are feeling anxious it is hard to think and hard to know what to do about it. Know that what you are feeling is either fear of the unknown or fear of being exposed. Examine this fear and ask yourself how practical is it? Don’t try to talk yourself out of what you are feeling but learn some of the ways you can manage your anxiety.

To manage your anxiety there are three areas to look into: Physically, Mentally & Spiritually. In part one we discuss physical aspects and in part two we will discuss what aspects you can look at mentally to manage anxiety.

Mentally:

  • What kind of messages are you giving yourself? The way you talk to yourself can increase anxiety ten (10) fold. Negative Self-Talk is Very Destructive and can keep you constantly anxious.
  • To combat the negative messages you give yourself, you must change the negative into a positive and say it to yourself five times each time the negative message comes up. An example of this is: if you look in the mirror and say “I look terrible” you can overcome that by saying five times in a row, “I look great, I am beautiful (handsome), I am better looking today than I was yesterday”. For best results do this every day.
  • Whatever you tell yourself is true. If you say you can't do something, then you can't. If you say you’re not good enough, then you will prove to yourself that you are not good enough. If you say you don't like something, then for sure you won't like it even if you have never even tried it.
  • Have you or do you often feel inside that you are crazy? If you are reading this, you are not crazy and in fact probably everything you feel is normal and felt by hundreds of others.
  • Do you journal? Writing everything down is the most positive way to put things into perspective. Put it all down, everyday, hold nothing back, do not worry about spelling or making sense no one is to read this except you, and do not read what you have written for several weeks. When you do read it, you will see a predominate theme that will guide you in decision making. Many people avoid writing because it is “too much work”. If this is you, then you are enjoying your discomfort too much to try something to overcome it.

 

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Help Me! I Think I am Going to Die - Part 1

People suffer from various kinds of anxiety and it often gets unbearable around holidays or special occasions. When you are feeling anxious it is hard to think and hard to know what to do about it. Know that what you are feeling is either fear of the unknown or fear of being exposed. Examine this fear and ask yourself how practical is it? Don’t try to talk yourself out of what you are feeling but learn some of the ways you can manage your anxiety.

To manage your anxiety there are three areas to look into: Physically, Mentally & Spiritually. In part one it will discuss what aspects you can look at physically to manage anxiety.

Physically:

  • Look at your eating habits, do you drink a lot of caffeine products, such as coffee, energy drinks or soda? If so, cut back on them.
  • Do you smoke cigarettes or use chewing tobacco? Nicotine only calms for moments and then creates a restlessness that requires more nicotine.
  • Are you getting enough exercise? Research shows that daily exercise doing something you love reduces anxiety. Walking, running, dancing and weight lifting are all ways to reduce anxiety.
  • How hard do you work? Are you a workaholic? Do you not work at all because of fear?
  • Are you able to sleep or do you let yourself worry and think all night? There are ways to take care of an over active mind.
    • One way is to Pray and Learn to Let Go.
    • Another is to Count Backwards from 100...
    • And another way is to Concentrate on Your Breathing.
TIP: Your mind can only handle one thought at a time, you can teach yourself to sleep all night through doing one or more of these things.
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Are You a Victim?

Answer the following questions to help you assess whether you play the role of a victim and how it may be impacting you. At the end of the survey, there are three scoring ranges that would support, based on your answers, if you are a victim.

Please answer the following questions with Yes or No:

- Do you ever find yourself doing more than you want to do or have feelings of being out of control in any of the following areas:

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Problem Solving and the Art of Negotiation

Where ever there are human beings there will be differences in opinion and often open conflict. Most often open conflict is a power struggle.

Power struggles are recognized by the following signs:

  • Refusing to make eye-contact.
  • Giving the silent treatment.
  • Manipulation in an attempt to dominate or control.
  • Using blame, intimidating gestures, and loud voices.
  • Expressing bitterness, resentment and suspicion.
  • Using us and them language setting yourself apart. (you people)
  • Being secretive, hiding information or activities.
  • Showing disapproval or contempt for another’s point of view.
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Let Your Light Shine - Part 2

When sharing your faith remember:
  1. Acceptance. The people who you need the most are the ones who are most hard to accept. Chances are they will be surly, sullen, moody, arrogant, or egotistical. Opposite of this is the victim who doesn't want help but wants someone to feel sorry for them. When they look at you, they will be looking for the slightest sign of a judgmental attitude in your demeanor. Compassion is the key. Do not approach if you are trying to "help" them because that puts you in a one-up position. Many troubled people have nothing left but their false pride. Do not see them as a victim or encourage them to see themselves as a victim.

  2. Give them a smile and find something, one personal thing you can sincerely compliment them on. Every time you see them reinforce it.

  3. Invite them to tell you who they are with genuine curiosity. I have asked if I could write about them and I have never had anyone turn me down. Listen silently and don't show shock or judgement. Once I asked a woman if she would participate in a short survey, then I asked questions about what single mothers need to make their lives easier. I've made up many surveys like this, depending on who I am talking with.

  4. Ask their permission to tell them who you are by telling a short story about your life. Include a couple small references to some trouble that God has helped you with. Try to make your story relate to theirs. Tell them how much you needed acceptance or approval at some point in your life. Be brief. Short is the key word here.

  5. Ask them to do you a favor. No matter how they look or act, even if they resist, they will appreciate an opportunity to help you. So be very inventive with this part. e.g. I'm lonely and I hate to eat alone would you join me? Or I need help picking out a book or some music for a friend, would you have time to help? I need help talking to my friends, kids, wife about drugs, alcohol, danger? Could you tell me where a pawn shop is? Could you give me information on ----?

  6. Ask if there is anything they need from you? Be willing to do what they ask or find someone who will. With the exception of giving them money or buying them alcohol. Buy them groceries, pay for a cab or give them a ride, give them a blanket, or a coat, give them a reason to love themselves by showing them they are important to you. I once drove to a client's house, picked her up and took her back to my office for a counseling session because she didn't have a car.

  7. Find out what their interests are. What do they love? "If you could have one wish what would it be? Tell me more about this. And then what? And then what?

  8. Ask if they would like to meet again, if so set a date for a solid commitment. Tell them you would be very disappointed if they can't show up for the meeting and you would like to give them a call before the time to meet. Also give them your telephone number.

  9. Never make a suggestion about how they might do things better unless they ask you. Never make a promise or a commitment that you can't keep.

  10. Once you have their trust, a good thing to do is talk about your own walk to God and say "it's ok if you don't believe-will you just believe that I believe?

Before you speak to me about religion show it to me in how you treat other people. Before you tell me how much you love your God, show me how much you love His children. Before you preach to me of your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. I am not as interested in what you have to tell me as I am in how you choose to live your life.

Cory Boaher
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