READ PART 1 FOR CONTEXT
Victims are ultimately abusers. Abusers come from families where they were helpless to prevent the neglect or cruelty that happened to them and around them. Having been victims then, they were simultaneously powerful and powerless. Powerless because they could not stop what was going on around them, powerful because they blamed themselves for what was happening.
At some point they determined to gain and maintain the power in all their relationships. They use financial deprivation, foul and offensive words, emotional blackmail, fists or blunt objects.
The paradox of a victim’s irresponsibility is the feelings of failure, guilt and shame that are part of every victim’s life. They try to keep their prey subjective to their whims. Victims want you to fill up the empty hole that is inside of them. People who are abusive one minute and nice the next minute are the most difficult to deal with. Because you are constantly confused by their behavior, their spouses and children walk on egg shells most of the time. The confusion is part of the plan. Do not be fooled by the nice-ness.
Ask a victim what he is up to and he will blast you with how he has been hurt, insulted, snubbed or in some way affronted. Ask him how he feels and he will tell you about all his aches and pains and how the world defecates all over him, he does not want to hear your tales of woe. He just wants you to hear his. The victim feels as though the world owes him. He will complain about his wife/girlfriend, complain about his boss, complain about his neighbors, do work he never gets paid for, and loan money he never gets back. Some big-hearted people fall for the victim’s tales and try to help. Big mistake. He doesn’t want help, he wants sympathy and attention.
Victims are lacking a fundamental wholesomeness that comes from being cared for and valued as children. When he or she behaves abusively, there will be a million excuses for this behavior. All of the excuses are designed to make you feel as sorry for them as they feel for themselves. Their persona says Please notice how wretched and miserable I am. Victims can be angry and pathetic persons. At the core of a victim is huge self-loathing and a feeling of entitlement. The best thing you can do for a victim is call him on his behavior. If this puts you in danger, don’t say anything, just find a safe place to go.
PO Box 9702
Rapid City, SD, 57709